is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
