I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
