Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
