Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
