According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
