i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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