I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
