You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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