as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
