So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
