I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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