Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
