I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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