How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
