You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
