the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
