This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
