You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
