I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
