I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
