my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
