Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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