so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
