She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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