Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
