There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
