then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
