if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
