If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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