Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
