im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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