____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.