I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.