Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
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I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed