he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober