Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god