Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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