Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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