This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
