Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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