This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
