TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
