You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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