yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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