Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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