Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.