1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
