im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
love makes seman taste better
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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