OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
