That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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