margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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