Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
