6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
