just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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