Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
