sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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