on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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