Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
