So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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