nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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