She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
