My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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