I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
