oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokรฉmon. What a time to be alive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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