I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
