So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
