how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
