I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
