i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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