Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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