Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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