i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
