Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
