Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
