Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
