Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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