you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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