I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
